In short, RHB is a wonderful place that entertained about 30 slightly deranged twenty-something year-olds and for that we are very grateful. Thank you.

By Kit Charnaud aka “GirlKit”

My rather naive and wide-eyed enthusiastic approach to the tour games was rewarded when the organising committee made me Captain for the final game. Not only was this an overwhelming honour on my very first tour with the B’s, it was also a responsibility of knee knocking, jaw chattering proportions that only the horrific possibility of letting down 40+ people who’ve seen five previous defeats can bring. However, the team implicitly knew that when The Beast of defeat is grinning at you…you smile back!!! And smile we did, not because of the japes and hilarity of a batting collapse or bowling attack put to the sword but becasue of a resolute team performance which brought a triumphant end to fantastic tour. God Bless the B’s.

By Adam Berry aka “Younit”

B’s ? in 20 overs

Goathland ? in about 13 overs

Goathland is a pretty little village in North Yorkshire where the popular ITV soap Heartbeat was filmed – it is also a place Mildert B got schooled.

Mildert B chose to bat 1st on a wicket that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the jungle of Borneo. Foolishly we thought we could set a target – we didn’t. To be fair their bowlers (mostly on school holidays) bowled well and an 11 year did well to snaffle Hind for 1. Most of the rest of the batting was made of short cameos (if you can call them that), but credit must go to Adam Berry for staying their and Stips for finaly proving that he can hit a six and is able to “perform” for Mildert B.

We didn’t get many wickets, but Goathland did manage to find the boundary frequently, whereas mildert B had emulated the England 1-day team by only getting 1s and 2s. Their standout batsmen was about 70 (literally) and boy could he hit it – scoring 50ish of about 20 balls. Ina final desperate attempt to save face, Mildert B introduced the Noodles spaceball/dive-bomb/high-chuck/call-it-what-you-want. It didn’t work. A young buck, in those difficult teenage years, by some fluke picked the trajectory perfectly (maybe he was using radar?) and dispatched a flat six through the pavilion window. Bang went his pocket money – anybody in the dressing room would have been killed by flying glass, some of which lodged itself in the pavilion wall. Fortunately all we had to do was pick the glass out of our well travelled cricket bags and Stu thanked the Lord that his camcorder had narrowly avoided destruction. Although Goathland won easily, Mildert B applied themselves well and looked sharp in the field. We were simply outclassed.

A massive thanks to the fans who obviously enjoyed watching from a pub beer garden and especially to Laura for unveiling the Mildert B flag! After the game our hosts were kind enough to invite us to another pub where a good time was had by all. I believe a Mildert B cap now has pride of place in Goathland’s trophy cabinet. Hopefully we can win it back sometime!

When I signed up for the mountain biking activity I was promised a gentle pootle around a pretty, green forest. Unfortunately, I was sadly mislead. Our little group set out from the cycle shop (once Mr Strange had arrived and Stu had insisted on buying it’s entire contents) on the nice, flat, tarmac covered road, looking daft in helmets and wobbling around. Well I was anyway. This pleasant experience lasted for the first 2 minutes of our journey. Then began the ascent to hell. Whoever said hell is located in the fiery depths was wrong. It’s embodied in a vertical, muddy, stony, tree root covered hill somewhere in the north of England. We finally got to the top of the bank, only to be presented with further uphill struggles. The group split at this point with the, er, fitter members somehow disappearing up at quite a speed. The majority of us struggled on slowly. Bringing up the rear at quite a distance behind, I considered Blair Witch-style abandoment in the middle of a strange forest being a preferable alternative. Unfortunately Stu circled around me bellowing all manner of ‘encouragements’.

Against all the odds and several litres of P-Max later we managed to reach the summit. I think the general concensus was that for £25 a trip to the dentist with the imminent threat of root canal treatment would have been more enjoyable. However, the descent almost (well sort of) wiped the memory of our uphill nightmare. Travelling at dangerous high speeds down stony tracks was exhilirating, even if small, furry mammals were massacred in the process. Edd and I paused in our descent to admire the tiny girl, seemingly making the opposite ascent totally alone, on a pink bike with stabilisers. She was definitely making better progress than we ever had.

There were many highs and lows to our travails: breakneck speeds through the rain was a real high; Max returning covered in blood something of a low but the real highlight was Barney, in a premonition of things to come, joyriding on Chloe’s shop mobility mobile, failing miserably to complete a successful 3 point turn.

By Sam Hudson

By Gemma Cuthbert

Hey Bees!

It has been a little while since tour… but it is still fresh and fond in my mind like the warmth of Barney’s head on Atko’s pillow. The absolutely superb news is that due to the generosity of all you Bs and Bees that we raised a magnificent total of 75 squidlies. This money has now been donated to various charities. As it split nicely into 25s we have donated to three charities that are close to the hearts and mind of the Bees. These were all suggested to me on tour and we have at least one charity saved up to benefit from next year’s tour (where i hope we can break the 100 squid mark!). SO THANK YOU ALL. YOU ARE AMAZING! The three charities we have donated 25 quid each to are below.

1. Raynaud’s and Scleroderma – Raynaud’s is a common condition in which blood is prevented from reaching the extremities of the body, mainly the fingers and toes, on exposure to the cold or any slight change in temperature. A small number of people who have Raynaud’s also develop scleroderma, a disease which affects the connective tissue. Scleroderma means hard skin but the hardness is not limited to the skin – the internal organs and their blood supply may become damaged. Scleroderma can be devastating not only for the person who has the condition but also for the families concerned. We offer a very personal service, always available to answer questions, offer advice, reassurance and support. Further advice can be obtained through the nurse advice lines available to members and funded by the Association.

We are giving to this charity because a friend of Mildert B, Dom Colley, is raising money for the charity at the Great North Run, as his father-in-law dies of the disease. It is a very good cause. To learn more… or donate more… see http://www.justgiving.com/domcolley/ Of our donation Dom said, “Very kind of you and everyone on tour anyway so be sure to say thank you to everyone who donated! Very generous of everyone.”

2. Mvumi School Trust – Friends of Mvumi Secondary School was formed by declaration of charitable trust dated 23 March 1999 and first registered with the Charity Commission on the 15 April 1999. The name of the charity was changed to Mvumi School Trust in 2008. The sole purpose of this charity is to provide funding and support for the teachers and students of DCT Mvumi Secondary School. This school is centered in the rural heartland of the central region of Tanzania. It was established in 1994 by the Anglican Church. The Trust is largely responsible for funding the recent reconstruction of the School. Our sponsorship scheme funds the cost of over 100 student bursaries and we also provide funds for 50 scholarships.

This charity was suggested by Miss Laura Bengough as her mum works very closely with the charity. Of our donation the Trust said, “Thank you for this kind donation.” Another excellent charity, find out more at http://mvumischooltrust.co.uk/home

3. British Beekeepers’ Association – 20% of British Honey Bees died last year. Beekeeping in the UK is not an ‘Industry’ – the majority of beekeepers do not make a living from their bees, and the pollination that their bees provide is by and large provided for free to the local area. Without this source of pollinating insects the rich biodiversity that is the hallmark of the UK countryside would decline. In particular the fruits that we enjoy and the berries that the birds need would be less abundant.

Should be fairly obvious why we have donated to this charity. Without Bees there would be no Mildert B!!! To find out more http://www.britishbee.org.uk/index.php

Thanks again and I look forward to us helping (and beating) the world more next year!

Mildert B: 71 for 3 after 9.0 overs

Mildert B won by 5 wickets

The Bees scored an emphatic victory in their first LMS match ever at Millwall Park. It must be said first and foremost that the opposition was pretty substandard (5 accountants who didn’t play much and 3 kids drafted in from a nearby school by the umpire) but that’s never stopped Mildert B getting beaten before, so something must have gone right.

The pitch was reminiscent of the Viv Richards stadium in Antigua being more sand than grass, and the artificial track had obviously been laid over a trampoline as even the tamest of balls got up a bit. All balls came from one end (due to the track being rubbish)and one spot in particular outside off stump caused a couple of “big” moments for the batsmen. Mildert B looked the very picture of sartorial elegance in the kit provided (red, pics to follow) as the match began.

Tradition dictated that the Bees fielded first and it didn’t take Atko long to have the opening batsmen out as he removed his middle stump. Stu, making his debut behind the stumps, did a sterling job of preventing the usual wides from Peach and Beecham harming the score much, and although a couple of fours were leaked (you know who) all in all the Bees fielded pretty tightly. Ally ‘The Tewkesbury Airstrike’ Gray made his bowling debut in tandem with Revo Lewis and the noodley one took a wicket in his first over. New boy Hodgson continued to be more economical than a bulk buy supermarket, and we even got a slip catch (Beecham doing the work off Kirk’s bowling). There were wickets for all the bowlers in fact, and the Firestarters were all out for a pretty paltry 68 inside the 20 overs.

Graymeister General and Stu were sent in to open the batting, and the FSA must have been slightly optimistic as they had Bromley’s greatest land baron out first ball, followed rapidly by Captain Lewis, stumped off a horrible delivery outside off stump. However, they hadn’t bargained on the awesome hitting power of Stu, who smacked a few fours and one giant six over midwicket in a Gilchrist-esque 24 off 11 balls. Beech and Peach were left to see home Mildert in the fading light, with “Napier” playing some fine strokes whilst Kirk managed to chinese -cut himself to a streaky 13 not out that Boycs would have wept at.

Last Man Stands turned out to be MINT, and as Spewy Lewis pointed out: It is cricket for idiots. Perfect.

We have 2 matches next week: Wednesday at Millwall Park and Thursday at Southwark Park (both 6.30). We need players so get your names down. Cost = £10.

RAK

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